For over a year and a half I have been anxious to see the day where I will say goodbye to this apartment. We have been here for 4 years and what was once new, glorious and spacious is now chronically too hot, missing helpful appliances and too small. We have baseboard heat which runs directly parallel to our water pipes which means that during the winter our water comes out of the faucet piping hot and takes several minutes to become cool enough to handle. We've had our share of ants and mice (its an old property next to a large field) through out our time here but you can have those anywhere I suppose.
But among all these reasons of why I'm excited to move on, I must admit that I do have some reluctance as to leaving my memories behind. Like the lipstick message on the bathroom mirror that my husband wrote to propose having a baby with me and in that same bathroom reading positive pregnancy tests for both Sadie and this new baby.
Or changing our second bedroom from a recording studio into Sadie's nursery and how I used to sit in her nursery for hours rocking in the rocking chair while rubbing my belly and praying that she'd make it through all of the complications of that pregnancy.
Of the view out my front window from my couch where I spent weeks while on bedrest. Staring at the breeze gently or wildly blowing the branches of the trees. The timeless hours solving sudoku or playing solitaire or reading books or putting together puzzles.
I remember the cookouts we'd have in our front yard although there weren't many. They are still good memories. Where we are going there will be no yard. I have loved taking walks around our community with Sadie; around the block or to the park.
I loved the day when we brought her home for the first time and the weeks that followed where we slept together on the couch or sometimes her in the swing.
And when she began eating "solids" how even though we didn't have a dining room table, I'd sit with her in the kitchen and feed her in her highchair. All of the first foods that she tasted and how messy she got. These are visions I will never forget.
So although I have begged to be rid of these place, to move on to bigger and better things, I move out of here with out remembering and appreciating what we've been through together.
Adios Amigo! Good times, Good times.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
My Victorious Weirdnesses
Lora from LoraandLayton just posted a video entitled "I'm a Weirdo! Tag!". She described a few traits that she felt qualified her to carry the title of Weirdo. A few of those traits I hold as well, such as positioning my head at the foot of the bed when I'm restless and can't sleep therefore resolving my restlessness and making me able to fall asleep.
I thought I would need a little bit of time to think about the things that made me weird before I did the tag in a video, however I was able to quickly identify several things.
1. I tend to randomly burst out in song. I try to reserve this weirdness for close friends and family only, BUT there are those times when a song will just hit me as very appropriate for the situation and I just can't control myself.
2. With out noticing, I have been known to carry on in different accents throughout the day. Whether it be Spanish, British, Indian, or Baby, I always seem to be in some kind of character...and it drives my husband nuts!!
3. When I'm doing a workout video, sometimes I make preppy dancer faces in the glass of my display case....total weirdo!!
4. When closing down the house at night, I have to go into the bedroom and turn on the light before I can go turn off the lights in the rest of the house. I get a little paranoid that something is going to sneak out from under my bed and eat me if its all dark in there when I enter.
5. When I'm enduring arduous tasks such as washing the dishes, or doing laundry, I hold lectures in my head. I don't even know what about, mostly random things. One conversation I had with myself recently went something like this:
"I hate washing dishes. Ugh this is just gross. What did I eat on this?! Hmm...ya know this really isn't that bad. Why do I hate dishes so much? I mean its not that bad. Is it because I hate being wet and soapy? Well no, I don't mind that, after all, I do love baths. Is it this scrubbing of stubborn pasta sauce in this pot? Ya know what pot?! You are going to GET CLEAN! You have no choice!! I am a cleanin machine!!!"
Is that enough weirdness for you? Chances are that this topic will inspire a part 2...because yea...I'm abnormal!! hahaha
I thought I would need a little bit of time to think about the things that made me weird before I did the tag in a video, however I was able to quickly identify several things.
1. I tend to randomly burst out in song. I try to reserve this weirdness for close friends and family only, BUT there are those times when a song will just hit me as very appropriate for the situation and I just can't control myself.
2. With out noticing, I have been known to carry on in different accents throughout the day. Whether it be Spanish, British, Indian, or Baby, I always seem to be in some kind of character...and it drives my husband nuts!!
3. When I'm doing a workout video, sometimes I make preppy dancer faces in the glass of my display case....total weirdo!!
4. When closing down the house at night, I have to go into the bedroom and turn on the light before I can go turn off the lights in the rest of the house. I get a little paranoid that something is going to sneak out from under my bed and eat me if its all dark in there when I enter.
5. When I'm enduring arduous tasks such as washing the dishes, or doing laundry, I hold lectures in my head. I don't even know what about, mostly random things. One conversation I had with myself recently went something like this:
"I hate washing dishes. Ugh this is just gross. What did I eat on this?! Hmm...ya know this really isn't that bad. Why do I hate dishes so much? I mean its not that bad. Is it because I hate being wet and soapy? Well no, I don't mind that, after all, I do love baths. Is it this scrubbing of stubborn pasta sauce in this pot? Ya know what pot?! You are going to GET CLEAN! You have no choice!! I am a cleanin machine!!!"
Is that enough weirdness for you? Chances are that this topic will inspire a part 2...because yea...I'm abnormal!! hahaha
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
How I See: the VBAC Dilemma
After long anticipation I finally got to view More Business of Being Born. The original documentary had me enthralled with all the things that I learned about birth and really introduced me to how I now feel about the birth experience. Any time I would hear of somebody becoming pregnant around me I would automatically refer them to watch this movie. I did not see the movie until after I had Sadie but even if I had, unfortunately circumstances surrounding my first pregnancy were such that a medical birth was very necessary.
That being said, I was very excited to hear that they were making a sequel of sorts. This documentary came in four parts, each discussing an aspect of the birth experience. The final segment focused on VBAC (vaginal delivery after cesarean). This was the segment that I was the most eager to view. BOBB had been responsible for jump-starting my passion for birth and I was really looking forward to hearing what they had to say about this very real subject that directly effects me.
The whole segment seemed to be alot more cautious than the rest of the series. It seemed much less gung-ho and more ehh-you really have to weigh you options. I think I was more-or-less expecting this show to solidify my opinion on how I would face my next birth, but really being that I have already researched the crap outta vbac, they didn't really tell me anything I didn't know.
The dilemma is always this: It is recognized that c-sections are risky and are major abdominal surgeries and assume all that comes along with that. Repeat c-sections carry that much more risk and the risk manifests itself in things outside of the hospital and recovery. It can affect mother-baby relations (bonding & PPD), breastfeeding, fertility, can cause placental problems in future pregnancies, infection, rise in the occurrence of hysterectomy etc. This list goes on and on!
BUT,
These risks are "small" in comparison to what's being threatened by most care providers. They will tell you that attempting a VBAC will be way more dangerous due to the possibility of uterine rupture. This can be catastrophic and end the baby's life as well as your own.
From these facts alone you may easily decide that vbac is not a viable or even reasonable option. Medical professionals will present this scenario as an absolute and something that you should be very afraid of.
But the truth is uterine rupture is very rare. In the case of 200 vbac-ing women only 1 will experience rupture. Let's take it even further. Only 1 in about 2000 ruptures will be catastrophic causing you to lose your life, your baby's or your uterus.
Contrary to these facts are the ones that represent the risks associated with multiple c-sections. With out quoting exact numbers (because there are soo many and over a wider period of time!) the risks are much higher that you will experience complications from even just ONE Cesarean than to attempt a VBAC!
Alright so now that that myth is dispelled, lets move on to the next problem.
The fear does not only sit within us as women. Doctors and insurance providers are extremely frightened of VBAC (although they seem to little by little be getting better as ACOG's position is changing). Hospitals that do offer the option have tons of rules surrounding it! A VBAC mama's labor must progress extremely "normally" or be doomed to the operating room. Its difficult enough to survive the "system" when you're low-risk and perfectly healthy and now there's even one more odd to be stacked against you. Any little hiccup will cause alarm and then you're done. The end. Repeat c-section.
Faced with this adversity many women have to consider their other options. In my case, there are no birth centers around that will accept vbac patients and so I'm left to consider a home birth. Actually the option is very attractive to me. I'd love to labor in peace and poor lighting in my home with all the comforts therein. I could move around and eat as needed with little to no pressure from a hospital system to progress or else. I could get all primal about it and really own my birth. Do it my way. Catch my baby and hold her to my chest having her latch on and bask in the glow...it all sounds so wonderful to me.
But in the back of my head there's always that nagging fear of what if. What if I am that one women who has catastrophic complications? Or what if the baby were to need resuscitation or care and we weren't equipped at home. These things could happen in any birth, not just VBAC. And I would be the one responsible.
I don't know. Part of me feels like there are risks with anything. Normal, low risk moms have complications at the hospital all the time, even some that end in death. While these are tragic, are they any more likely to occur at home? One thing to note is that neither infant nor maternal mortality rates have dropped in the last twenty years while c-section rates have drastically risen. Being in the hospital having a c-section just doesn't seem to be the answer.
The bottom line is, do I risk a repeat c-section and all that comes along with it just to labor in an unsupportive, scared and clinical environment that may or may not offer safety if an emergency should occur?
or
do I hire a midwife, settle in at home, trust my body and hope nothing bad happens?
If everything were to go perfectly, which scenario would I prefer?
Thankfully I don't have to make this decision right now but it's definitely an issue that holds weight in the not-so back part of my mind.
That being said, I was very excited to hear that they were making a sequel of sorts. This documentary came in four parts, each discussing an aspect of the birth experience. The final segment focused on VBAC (vaginal delivery after cesarean). This was the segment that I was the most eager to view. BOBB had been responsible for jump-starting my passion for birth and I was really looking forward to hearing what they had to say about this very real subject that directly effects me.
The whole segment seemed to be alot more cautious than the rest of the series. It seemed much less gung-ho and more ehh-you really have to weigh you options. I think I was more-or-less expecting this show to solidify my opinion on how I would face my next birth, but really being that I have already researched the crap outta vbac, they didn't really tell me anything I didn't know.
The dilemma is always this: It is recognized that c-sections are risky and are major abdominal surgeries and assume all that comes along with that. Repeat c-sections carry that much more risk and the risk manifests itself in things outside of the hospital and recovery. It can affect mother-baby relations (bonding & PPD), breastfeeding, fertility, can cause placental problems in future pregnancies, infection, rise in the occurrence of hysterectomy etc. This list goes on and on!
BUT,
These risks are "small" in comparison to what's being threatened by most care providers. They will tell you that attempting a VBAC will be way more dangerous due to the possibility of uterine rupture. This can be catastrophic and end the baby's life as well as your own.
From these facts alone you may easily decide that vbac is not a viable or even reasonable option. Medical professionals will present this scenario as an absolute and something that you should be very afraid of.
But the truth is uterine rupture is very rare. In the case of 200 vbac-ing women only 1 will experience rupture. Let's take it even further. Only 1 in about 2000 ruptures will be catastrophic causing you to lose your life, your baby's or your uterus.
Contrary to these facts are the ones that represent the risks associated with multiple c-sections. With out quoting exact numbers (because there are soo many and over a wider period of time!) the risks are much higher that you will experience complications from even just ONE Cesarean than to attempt a VBAC!
Alright so now that that myth is dispelled, lets move on to the next problem.
The fear does not only sit within us as women. Doctors and insurance providers are extremely frightened of VBAC (although they seem to little by little be getting better as ACOG's position is changing). Hospitals that do offer the option have tons of rules surrounding it! A VBAC mama's labor must progress extremely "normally" or be doomed to the operating room. Its difficult enough to survive the "system" when you're low-risk and perfectly healthy and now there's even one more odd to be stacked against you. Any little hiccup will cause alarm and then you're done. The end. Repeat c-section.
Faced with this adversity many women have to consider their other options. In my case, there are no birth centers around that will accept vbac patients and so I'm left to consider a home birth. Actually the option is very attractive to me. I'd love to labor in peace and poor lighting in my home with all the comforts therein. I could move around and eat as needed with little to no pressure from a hospital system to progress or else. I could get all primal about it and really own my birth. Do it my way. Catch my baby and hold her to my chest having her latch on and bask in the glow...it all sounds so wonderful to me.
But in the back of my head there's always that nagging fear of what if. What if I am that one women who has catastrophic complications? Or what if the baby were to need resuscitation or care and we weren't equipped at home. These things could happen in any birth, not just VBAC. And I would be the one responsible.
I don't know. Part of me feels like there are risks with anything. Normal, low risk moms have complications at the hospital all the time, even some that end in death. While these are tragic, are they any more likely to occur at home? One thing to note is that neither infant nor maternal mortality rates have dropped in the last twenty years while c-section rates have drastically risen. Being in the hospital having a c-section just doesn't seem to be the answer.
The bottom line is, do I risk a repeat c-section and all that comes along with it just to labor in an unsupportive, scared and clinical environment that may or may not offer safety if an emergency should occur?
or
do I hire a midwife, settle in at home, trust my body and hope nothing bad happens?
If everything were to go perfectly, which scenario would I prefer?
Thankfully I don't have to make this decision right now but it's definitely an issue that holds weight in the not-so back part of my mind.
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